Joining the dots between human doing and human being

Joining the dots between human doing and human being

Most weeks, your leadership probably draws on a familiar set of strengths: you step in to fix issues, hold things together, smooth over tensions, say yes where you can and somehow make it all work.

Those strengths have helped you steer through funding cycles, workforce gaps and rising expectations. Over time though, they can narrow how you think, flatten how you feel, lock you into one version of “who you are”, and even shape what your calendar looks like.

The result is a kind of quiet shrink‑wrapping of your leadership: the work expands, but your options feel like they contract.

This piece is about how to gently reverse that. By broadening your repertoire of mindsets, emotional states, identity stories and habits, so you can lead in a way that’s more effective and more sustainable to live inside – without losing what already makes you a good leader.

 

It’s not just what you do

Most senior leaders I work with in the for‑purpose sector can list their “doing” endlessly: strategy, budgets, KPIs, risk, reporting, service delivery, partnerships, advocacy, endless meetings.

The system constantly asks, “What are you doing about this?”
It rarely pauses to ask, “Who are you being as you do it?”

We are human doings and human beings. What we do matters deeply. But how we are while we do it shapes whether our leadership is values‑aligned, sustainable and sometimes even enjoyable – or whether it slowly drains us.

I don’t see leaders who need to be “fixed”. I see committed, values‑driven people doing their best in complex systems that give very little space to reflect. The work is not to replace your current patterns but to notice them, honour how they’ve served you, and then expand your repertoire so you have more room to move.

 

Four levers of “being” you can expand

 

1. Mindset: the lens you’re looking through

Mindset is the set of assumptions you bring to a situation – usually unconscious, always powerful.

These are some of the things I hear leaders say:

• “There is never enough; I need to push harder.”
• “Good leaders shield their teams from the worst of it.”
• “Board and funder expectations are fixed; our job is to cope.”
• “If I slow down, things will fall apart.”

These mindsets are often formed in very real constraints. The problem is not that they’re wrong; it’s when they become the only lens you’re looking through.

How to spot it:

• Listen for “I have to…”, “I can’t…”, “They always…”, “This never…”.
• Notice repeated themes: scarcity, control, being the dependable one, keeping the peace.

Simple expansion (not replacement):

1. Name the current lens: “Right now I’m seeing this through a ‘there is never enough’ frame.”
2. Add a second lens: “What if I also asked, ‘What matters most right now, given what we do have?’”
3. Let both exist, but deliberately choose which one will lead this decision.

You’re widening your field of view, not denying reality.

 

2. Emotional state: the weather you’re leading in

Think of your emotional state as the atmosphere you bring into a room: steady, rushed, anxious, irritated, hopeful, disengaged.

In a “perfect storm” of demand, resource shortages, compliance and workforce pressure, many leaders live in a narrow band of urgency and fatigue.

Again, that’s understandable. It’s just not the only place you can lead from.

How to spot it:

• Notice your body before key conversations: your breath, shoulders, jaw, stomach.
• Notice your urges: to speed up, to rescue, to avoid, to shut things down.
• Ask, “If my state had a name right now, what would it be?”

Simple expansion practice (about 2 minutes):

• Take 6 slow breaths before you walk into your next meeting.
• Name your state: “I’m in anxious problem‑solving mode.”
• Ask, “What’s one notch closer to how I want to show up – curious, steady, boundaried?” and choose one small behaviour that fits (for example, asking two questions before you offer a solution).

You’re acknowledging your natural responses and adding more emotional range.

 

3. Identity narratives: the stories about who you are

Identity narratives are the stories you tell yourself about the kind of leader you are:

• “I’m the safe pair of hands.”
• “I’m the one who holds relationships together.”
• “I’m the one people can always come to.”

These stories are usually built around strengths that got you promoted and helped your organisation succeed. They become limiting only when they’re the only story available:

• “I’m responsible” shifts into “I must carry everything.”
• “I care for staff” becomes “I must protect them from any discomfort.”
• “I’m values‑driven” becomes “I can’t make trade‑offs without feeling I’ve betrayed the mission.”

How to spot it:

• Notice how you explain your behaviour: “That’s just who I am.”
• Notice where you feel you have no choice: “I couldn’t possibly say no to that.”
• Ask a trusted colleague: “What role do you see me playing around here, especially in a crisis?”

Simple expansion:

Try shifting the story one degree, not 180 degrees:

• From “I’m the one who holds it all” to “I’m the one who builds a team that can hold it.”
• From “I’m the fixer” to “I’m the facilitator of collective problem‑solving.”
• From “I keep everyone happy” to “I create clarity and fairness, even if not everyone is happy.”

Then test it with one behaviour: staying in a coaching role in a complex issue instead of stepping in to fix, or naming a trade‑off clearly instead of absorbing it yourself.

You’re expanding your identity repertoire, not abandoning who you are.

 

4. Habits: what your calendar says you value

Habits are where your inner world and external reality meet. Your diary often shows, more honestly than your job description, what actually gets your energy: back‑to‑back meetings, constant firefighting, or time for thinking, coaching and system work.

Under pressure, even seasoned leaders find their habits narrowing around the urgent:

• Less time for reflection, more time in crisis response.
• Less focus on succession and capability, more on plugging gaps.
• Difficult but important conversations postponed until “the time is right”.

How to spot it:

• Look at last week’s calendar: strategy, people, operations, governance, your own development. Which were starved, which were bloated?
• Notice which meetings you always honour versus which you cancel when things get tight.
• Ask: “If someone only saw my diary, what would they guess I care about most?”

Simple habit expansions:

You don’t need a total redesign – just widen the pattern slightly:

• Protect one 60–90 minute thinking block each week, for you, not the organisation.
• Turn one “update” meeting into a genuine problem‑solving or coaching conversation.
• When you accept a new priority, consciously choose what will be dropped, paused or simplified – and say it out loud to your team.

Over time, these small shifts create a wider range of ways you can “do” your role.

 

A quick diagnostic for this week

Take one live issue you’re holding – a workforce challenge, a tricky relationship, a board conversation, or a major change.

Ask yourself:

1. Mindset – What assumptions am I bringing? What second lens could I add?
2. Emotional state – How am I feeling as I approach this? Is there one notch closer to how I’d like to show up?
3. Identity narrative – What story about “who I am” is driving my response? What’s a 1‑degree expansion of that story?
4. Habits – How is this showing up in my calendar and routines? What tiny structural shift could give me more choice here?

Choose just one small intervention and repeat it a few times this week. You’re not overhauling yourself; you’re practising a few new moves so you’ve got more than one way to respond when it matters.

 

You don’t need a new self – just more room to move

I don’t believe leaders in this sector need to be fixed. I see committed, values‑driven people doing their best in complex systems that ask a lot and rarely give time to reflect.

The work is to notice your existing mindsets, emotions, identity and habits; respect how they’ve served you; and then deliberately expand your repertoire so you can choose the version of you that’s most useful for the moment you’re in.

That’s what makes leadership feel more grounded and less like you’re stuck in a single role – the hero, the fixer, the buffer, the safe pair of hands – no matter what’s happening around you.